Day 6

I find myself thinking of him again,

I find myself lost on his charm,

I find myself lost.

Im about to go to bed, and dream with him again,

I dont know what to do, the more i try not to think about him,

If I find someone new, Someone good,

the more I try to push him in, I end up pushing him away.

Im my own traidor, Im the one stucking the nife on my back,

im the one who's making me weaker.

Im my own enemy, William is just the way.

Day 5

Another guy I end up pushing away becasue of william,
Im just so confused, lost.. i really dont know what to do,
I feel that if I completely move on, im cheating on William,
if I forget everything, or if I act like I did. the guilt.

The past few days I've been remembering all the details,
all of him. I cant still remember the taste of lips, and if I try hard I can even hear his voice.
The things I would do to look into his big dreammy blue eyes again,
to touch his soft creamy white skin, to kiss his perfecly designed lips,
ohhh!, the things I would do!

I feel empty inside, lost, like I said, William gave me so much, aand took eveything when he left,
now I dont have anything, I have nothing. just this feeling of pain, surrow,
love is a funny thing, love can me you the strogest person alive, and left you like the weakest
can make you a better person, a richer person, and then, guess what?; If love gave you all,
love defenetely can take more.

I used to believe in love, I had this desire of finding true love, and spend the rest of my days with that person, I still do, but in a much much smaller amount. When you fill like i do, you feel like you have this 200 pound over weight on your cheast, you can hardly breath, and its like all your energy has been taken.

I do pray for this to end, for me to find hapiness or even peace out off this situation.

I found my perfect guy, and I was stupid enought to let him go, Now I wont make the same misstakes, I wont turn my back and leave it all to "faith".


William, Oh my sweet William, am I ever gonna be able to forget you?

Day 4

I havent had that dream again, it feels weird but good weird, I think. I met someone, he is tall and has blonde hair, white, blue eyes... hahaha sound familiar?!.. he is nice, we kissed but he is leaving just like he did, and it just hurts again, he reminds me how painfull it was to watch the guy I loved go.

I started to remember all the things we did, how he kissed, he was an amazing kisser. He could make you feel everething and nothing, he could make your skin sparkle and burn. why this is happening again?, I do want to feel that again, and meet a guy who is perfect but stays here.

The guy name is paolo, he is funny and I love funny guys. He took me to this club and we dance ahd flirt and dance, after 3:30 am, we went back to his house and kissed, and talk and i stay over... we actualy spend the night...

its weird I dont feel bad at all... for a while he wake me as happy as I was before...

Day 3

I got a million things to do, and I cant get that stupid dream out of my head, that ordinarly boy, the idea that I could see him makes me wanna fall sleep every 5 mituntes. But I dont wanna talk about the dream anymore, is getting on my nerves the fact that i cant do anything.

Anyway, I been talking to guy, for days now. He is super cute, and super funny and we have great chemistry... the thing is, after saying all the good things there is no real but after but I want to put a but; nobody is that perfect.

The other day we were talking about the L world, "love" and he said he has never fall in love with somebody, and I ask him if he was afraid of falling in love, a strong NO was his answer but then he ask me if I was afraid... and It took me like 10 minutes to figure it out, NO, Im NOT afraid of love, Im not afraid of falling in love, but Yes, im afraid, Im afraid of giving everything, my heart, my soul, my body, my energy, my everything to someone and end up hurt again.

Then he ask why?... I said:"once you get everything you wanted out of a relationship and you feel is going great, and then something happens and it end up tering you appart and gettion your heart broken in the end, you wonder if its worth it"... What could I have answer?, Yes love is a great thing, love is big and it hurts, so what?.. he said...

I said yes, exacly, so what?.. love hurts, love strikes, love takes, love makes you better, makes you stronger, makes you taller, love kicks you, it makes you bleed but all the pain, all the hurt.. it is worth it... everything .. even if its for 5 minutes of happines.. of true happines

it's definitely worth it ...

Day 2

Yesterday was a complete lost day, and for my surprise I didnt dream about him, but something did happened yesterday now that I think about it, while talking to Angela and Lizzi about my mistery boy I felt the need to say William's name, I was kinda comparing him to the guy in my dreams: tall, long hair, skinny, perfect.


If somebody ask me if I still have feeling for william I wouldnt be able to answer, because to be completely honest I dont even know if I do or If I don't, he was a big part of my life, he may have been the most important guy in my life so far and he was, in all ways compatible with me. I guess things didnt happend for a reason, I was very much in love, I would off take a plane an go far far way to be with him, I would off leave everything behind and leave my future on hold for him.
I used to dream and really hope for him to make his mind, and realize that I was the one for him, and he would take a plane and come here, and took me with him.


But I know thats never gonna happen, so, I forget...I mean, thats what Im suppose to do, right?... just forget, let go of that stupid fantasy. and look around, you know?!, life goes on. God knows he did. very fast I may add. It took him 4 months actually, to get over me and it took me nearly a year just to let go to the fantasy that he was going to come and take me away.

4 months, thats almost 120 days, almost 120 days of me thinking we were going to be together one way or another. but Im over him now, I guess I still care, he was my first and my only one, How can I dont care?!. now I just want him to be happy, and me to get over the fear and the sadness he left me with.


I must admit, watching him go, was horrible, It was a strange pain in my chest, on my skin, It was like a thousand punches and if like someone would took a part of my heart and left a whole instead. I thank him for all the love and the adventures he got me into but now Im afraid of getting badly hurt again.


He was so perfect and we were so compatible that everytime I meet someone or even think about someone romanticly, something inside just says: "He is not HIM and he will never be" and I just dont try.


How can I say yes to love?, if love has giving me everything and took it away. If love has leaving me nothing but surrow and sadness.

Ordinary Day 1

Today was another ordinary day, I woke up, after a long pleasant almost too real dream about him again, the guy that Im supposed to be with, in my dream I'm standing by the lake, its autumn, the big orange leafs fall from the trees and the water is calm and steady, the temperature is perfect. Im wearing a big brown coat with a yellow, purple and red scarf and red gloves. Im smiling, Im happy because I know ( in my dream) that he is with me. I look back and there he is, but I can't see him, I only see my expression looking back at him. I smile and I say, "It's always been you!" and I wake up.

I wonder what this dream that I been having ( for 2 weeks now) means. The only thing Im sure about is that in the dream, it seems like I already know him... Oh! .. if only I could see his face.. If only!

Im 19 years old and I been hurt 3 times, bad!. I wish I could open up to love again and fall in love with someone but I'm scare of getting hurt again and im not sure I could pick up all the pieces again. But if I could see his face, I could go and look for him, I could be sure that he is "the one". But i guess I wont know until Ill dream with him again. Oh! romeo, "Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow"...

6:45 am.. Its late.. I forgot for a second that life goes on.. Gotta go to class!... Im saying this in my head while im lay down on my bed.. funny hum?.. Oh yes! there it is, the chat from my friend Angela: "where are you?" ... ok.. reply.. what should i write? .. I can only thing about him, I want to find true love and I want to believe that it happens, that is true and that it lives in more than a couple of lines from shakespeare play's, in more that "Romeo and Juliet" but my heart.. is a muscle that may not take another punch, another hit, another strike..

What was I saying?.. yes!.. I'm late.. I gotta go to class.. and tell Angela and Lizzi what i dream again. They think they know everything, they'll probably tell me that is William, The blue-eyed exchange student from England or Ben my ex, now a friend who I talk to every day... But I know, I mean I can feel it, is not them is somebody else, I know it!.

After a 28 minutes and 52 seconds shower, some jeans, an old T-shirt and my black with soft pink converse, Im on my way to class once again!.. today is .. I don't even know what today is...Oh well!... I guess Ill find out here, at college..