Day 2

Yesterday was a complete lost day, and for my surprise I didnt dream about him, but something did happened yesterday now that I think about it, while talking to Angela and Lizzi about my mistery boy I felt the need to say William's name, I was kinda comparing him to the guy in my dreams: tall, long hair, skinny, perfect.


If somebody ask me if I still have feeling for william I wouldnt be able to answer, because to be completely honest I dont even know if I do or If I don't, he was a big part of my life, he may have been the most important guy in my life so far and he was, in all ways compatible with me. I guess things didnt happend for a reason, I was very much in love, I would off take a plane an go far far way to be with him, I would off leave everything behind and leave my future on hold for him.
I used to dream and really hope for him to make his mind, and realize that I was the one for him, and he would take a plane and come here, and took me with him.


But I know thats never gonna happen, so, I forget...I mean, thats what Im suppose to do, right?... just forget, let go of that stupid fantasy. and look around, you know?!, life goes on. God knows he did. very fast I may add. It took him 4 months actually, to get over me and it took me nearly a year just to let go to the fantasy that he was going to come and take me away.

4 months, thats almost 120 days, almost 120 days of me thinking we were going to be together one way or another. but Im over him now, I guess I still care, he was my first and my only one, How can I dont care?!. now I just want him to be happy, and me to get over the fear and the sadness he left me with.


I must admit, watching him go, was horrible, It was a strange pain in my chest, on my skin, It was like a thousand punches and if like someone would took a part of my heart and left a whole instead. I thank him for all the love and the adventures he got me into but now Im afraid of getting badly hurt again.


He was so perfect and we were so compatible that everytime I meet someone or even think about someone romanticly, something inside just says: "He is not HIM and he will never be" and I just dont try.


How can I say yes to love?, if love has giving me everything and took it away. If love has leaving me nothing but surrow and sadness.